Being a Near Retard is a Prerequisite to Work at Home Depot
March 1, 2009
Here is an application to work at Home Depot:
Are you an idiot?
If you said “yes” congratulations, you are hired.
I went to Home Depot with the most in depth description possible. ”I need 3 inch phillips head Grip Rite gold screws,” impressive, huh? Well the guy who worked there wasn’t impressed, he responded, “Ma’am, they don’t make screws out of gold, it’s not jewelry.”
FUCK! And to think, I thought that the beauty of gold screws was that I could buy an extra to hang on my necklace because that shit is 24 karats! Thank God you told me before I spent the extra 15 cents on screw jewelry, or screwelry as they say on the streets.
Anyway, since you don’t have anything that fits the description of 3 inch phillips head Grip Rite gold screw, I need some sort of 3 inch screw that will hold a TV and wont strip, do you have any suggestions or have I said something that confused you?
What did the idiot hand me? A box of 3 inch phillips head gold screws by Grip Rite as he said, “these wont strip on you, they are really strong because they are gold.”
Wow, thanks for the knowledge that you dropped on me today, jackass. How’s your mom’s basement treating you these days, anyway?
this made me laugh at a really inappropriate moment in class
I can’t recall where and when I discovered your gem of a blog, but thank God I did! During my long unemployed days even your shortest posts make me smile. Thank you BB, you rock.